Confessions of a PowerPoint Ranger

Brief update

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 11:21:22 GMT

OK, so you can read up on all the latest at wingsoveriraq.blogspot.com, but just some highlights. I've been getting lots of care packages from the US, thanks to organizations like Adopt a US Soldier. In order to thank these groups, we've been flying with little American flags in the cockpit and getting pictures of them (typically while on the ground instead of in the air, because it takes a lot of talent for one pilot to take the picture and the other guy to hold up the flag while you fly behind another aircraft. Not that it couldn't be done).

They get a little flag in a wooden shadow box, a certificate, a picture, and a thank-you letter.

On another front, you won't hear much from me for one plain and simple reason: I just got a Nintendo Wii, and I'm playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. I am now a Jedi--I push stormtroopers around with my Wii nunchuck, and chop them up with my Wii lightsaber. The acting in the game sucks, which means it's just like being in the prequels! I also question the logic of characters being repeatedly thrown out of airlocks (presumably to die) and then showing back up, stating that they somehow survived -273C temperatures and no air. WTF.

Cool Stuff

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 08:38:05 GMT

You know you want to go to my new blog wingsoveriraq.blogspot.com . Where else can you hear about a mission referred to as a "Blue Milk Run"? Eh?

Oh, and leave comments, too.

New Blog

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 08:10:17 GMT

Yes, I will still be maintaining my Livejournal page, but if you want to see my new Warblog or Milblog or whatever you call it, go to http://wingsoveriraq.blogspot.com . Subscribe to it with Atom or RSS so you can check in daily and reply on all the goings on. I think you'll enjoy it.

Be careful what you wish for

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:39:06 GMT

So I signed up at one of those Adopt-a-soldier websites and got a lot of replies. More replies = more free stuff, right? WRONG. More replies = more inspirational e-mails.

I haven't even sent an e-mail to some of these people yet, but I got like 10 e-mails in the span of a day from one. One almost took up my whole quota because it was one of those "inspirational" e-mails with 10,000 pictures in it. Seriously, I'm considering converting to Pastafarianism for the sole reason that Pastafarians don't pass on pictures of the FSM, and the FSM knows that I hate having to clean up my e-mail inbox on a daily basis.

Happy 30th Anniversary

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 03:42:55 GMT

On 17 November, 1978, the Star Wars Saga gave birth to its bastard child.

The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Filled with Wookiees participating in virtual reality cybersex, Carrie Fisher on drugs, and two animated cartoons (the highlight of the show), it was God-Awful. And it was all to celebrate "Life Day", the Star Wars Christmas. Just when I thought George Lucas couldn't write worse dialogue, I saw five straight minutes of Wookiees grunting and gesturing at one another.

Seriously, WTF.

So, I learned a new lesson

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 05:35:29 GMT

Plugged my desktop computer in to a power strip yesterday, and was greeted to a "bang" and a large spark coming from the power supply unit. What's interesting is that my monitor was plugged in with no problem...I think I just overloaded the power strip itself.

Fuck me.

Looks like I need a new power supply. Is it likely I fried the mother board as well? (Thank God I back up)

Big News

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 04:25:41 GMT

I'm actually being encouraged to develop and maintain a blog while I'm here!

I will probably develop a new blog just for this purpose on blogger.com or something like that. I'd suggest everyone get an RSS reader so they can subscribe to posts on a regular basis. I should have something up and runnin in a few days. Other than that, I am completely well. I just have a lot of RSS feeds to catch up on.

Napster--it sucks so badly, people will want to pirate music

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 15:17:29 GMT

So I'm in a foreign country far from the developed world. Well, maybe not too far, as I have the Internet, of course. Unfortunately, most countries aren't developed enough for Napster to provide its subscription service. It seems that Napster will only let you download music so long as you are in the US, Canada, UK, Gernamy, Japan and a few other places. Suffice to say, I'm not in any of those countries.

With that said, I'm unable to log into Napster completely, as I'm currently in a 3rd world country. With no ability to log into Napster for a month or so, I'm unable to listen to any tracks (including the ones I paid good money for) either on my comptuer or on my MP3 player.

Seriously, WTF?! I paid for those tracks. If I, as a PAID SUBSCRIBER to Napster can't download and listen to the music files that I PAID FOR, (and oh, by the way, Napster still charged me $9.99 this month) then what's the incentive NOT to pirate music tracks. Arrrr....

I stole this line, but it's still applicable

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:23:00 GMT

To all of you people threatening to move to Canada after the Obama victory:

I wish you the best of luck in your attempts to avoid socialism by moving to a country with a nationalized health care system. This plan is so ridiculously stupid, it just might work.

Now that the election is over

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 10:05:37 GMT

I should remark here that, especially after the election, it is always important to maintain an informed and educated citizenry in order to stave off the tyranny of blah blah blah, but the hell with it. Now that the election is over, it's time to focus on more important things: Dancing Stormtroopers. Congratulations, President-Elect Obama.

Awesomely Bad Link of the Day

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 10:00:48 GMT

I had to laugh at this thread on the Tucker Max Message Board. A sample:

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce

Dear Bruce,

My records show that in Spring of 1992 you asked for a lego set. My records also show that during your birthday in the same year you asked for a puppy, which I gave you and am now taking back.

God

When you buy things regularly at tshirthell.com, you get these e-mails

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 04:40:29 GMT

Due to the enormous success of our 1% off sale we've decided to raise the stakes with a "30% Off For Epileptics Only National Epilepsy Month Sale!"

If you have epilepsy or know someone that has epilepsy, this is the sale for you. Everything on the website is 30% off and we've even brought back our deeply disturbed gift-wrap for the holiday season. But you must have epilepsy or know someone that does in order to get the discount.

So, go to T-Shirt Hell now, buy tons of cheap stuff (if you have epilepsy) and keep on rockin (either from your epilepsy or just in general). The sale ends Nov. 9th at midnight EST.

(How the hell are we going to know if you really have epilepsy or not? Man, are we dumb.)

All is well

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 07:59:59 GMT

Well, "Life is Good" is a popular trend, so I guess I'll say that. I am well for two reasons.

1.) I tapped into a Wifi spot from my cot.
2.) I am drinking Starbucks as we speak.

Okay, finally found a good link

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 10:41:50 GMT

16-year old who lives in a trailer has the $200,000 wedding of her dreams.

I had no idea they had white trash in Britain.

So I am browsing the Internet prior to flying out...

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:35:16 GMT

Google Chrome (my new browser) opens up Mysuck by default. I've always hated Mysuck, and now I hate it even more.

Today's Mysuck background is nothing but endless advertisements for High School Musical 3. I swear, at this rate, Vanessa Hudgens will be old enough to simultaneously act in porn and in HSM. Oh wait, she already did.

Blast from the past...present...whatever.

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 12:34:02 GMT

World of Warcraft meets Monkey Island in..."A Pirate I was Meant to Be"

And what do you know...

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 23:19:54 GMT

Finally got the pictures back from the Wineglass Marathon. God, do I look tired or what? Ed note: most of these are taken at about mile 20-26.

And minimal blogging for the next week

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 23:30:39 GMT

I could either blog from work, a supremely bad idea as Big Brother is always watching, or blog from Starbucks.

I'm currently living on the floor once again, as everything's moved out. I have no Internet. War is hell.

EDIT/BONUS: I just stole some Internet from the guy downstairs (I think).

The Block Leave Round-Up

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 22:57:11 GMT

And two weeks of pre-deployment block leave comes to a close. Strangely enough, my leave periods are often more hectic and activity-filled than my time at work (if that were possible). The highlights:

Started off on the first weekend with the Wineglass Marathon in Corning, NY (a few entries earlier). I'm now on the recovery phase from this marathon, and I'm back up to five-mile runs once again. Or at least, that's what my GPS tells me. It amuses me that on the marathon, it was surprisingly accurate (I crossed the finish line with the GPS reading 26.25 miles), but the other day in Uptown Charlotte, I saw 3.5 miles on my GPS, and two minutes later, I was reading 2.3 miles on the GPS. I guess I ran 1.2 miles backwards in two minutes?
Started another book over this last weekend: Practicing Public Diplomacy, by Yale Richmond, in which the author discusses how American embassies spread American culture and values throughout the Iron Curtain during the Cold War. It's an incredible lesson for today, when the US faces even greater hostility abroad, and designs its embassies more like fortresses than as showcases for American values. In fact, I'm submitting an article to Small Wars Journal about this very topic.
I've embraced the inevitable. It's useless trying to get Sunni, Shiite and Kurds (plus Christian minorities and Jews) to work together for democracy and eat a cake filled with sunshine and smiles in a happy field somewhere. So where does that leave us?
- In areas ruled by tribalism, particularly those with their roots reaching back centuries (i.e., the Middle East), many tribes look at the nation-states as they are as basically arbitrary lines on a map drawn by obscure diplomats. Which they are. The only thing that keeps them in line is a strong central government, and that means...ta-da...dictator. Which, truth be told, worked out quite well for us in the past with a whole bunch of other nations (including a particular Iraqi dictator we actually liked in the 80s), so don't discount it.
- As I've said before, partition is the other option. Not de juro partition...that would just upset everyone. But de facto partition. When you have a Kurdistan with its own flag, army, government, etc., it's hard to argue that this isn't already underway. Hey, Mesopotamia est omnia divisa in partes tres.
Last weekend, I went to Destin FL and met with the old Soto Cano (Honduras) party club. Yes, the ones that got arrested for beer in the dining facility during breakfast (because they stayed up all night drinking, it really wasn't breakfast though, right?). All is well,we caught up on flying stories and talking smack about certain personalities within the aviation community. Sadly enough, there was no jumping off the balcony of the dockside bar or racing beach buggies up and down the beach at 60 mph like the old days.
Paul did inform me that he looked into his pockets and found a balloon from the old Euro club on Roatan (that smelled like a certain herb burning) that sold hits from a nitrox bottle (and turned a hefty profit selling enriched oxygen as an inhalant). I mean, I breathe nitrox all the time when I dive, so I really can't call it a narcotic, although it does feel good to breathe nitrox. Just not worth paying $1 to breathe a balloon full of it.
And last weekend wasn't all Lego Porn (even though that's what I like posting about for some reason). Yes, I went to my 10-year reunion. I was surprised at how well we all turned out. Who would have thought that mad_skillz would be working at NASA when we graduated? There was little animosity, and contrary to my initial insinuation, we didn't all hang out in our old cliques for the entire night. We have one confirmed priest in our class, too. I told him that half my vocabulary was now null and void when he was in the area. The best part of the night was when Bill Smith (yes, this is his real name) came in and informed us, "I just bought my tickets yesterday, and they cost $1,800. But I wouldn't have missed this for the world". Bill, I would have paid the $1,800 myself.

I really need help

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 17:09:50 GMT

I was posting that little bit on Lego Porn while at Starbucks. Some mom just looked over my shoulder while she saw two Lego people chatting (in the plot portion) while the words "LEGO PORN" were displayed on the screen in big block letters.

But then again, there's no nudity in Legos, so I should be good, right?

Weekend Update...so far.

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 16:38:25 GMT

Beleive it or not, I'm in Charlotte attending my high school reunion. I can' help but get exasperated laughs from my high school friends when I explain that not only am I a pilot, but also a commander. Actually, I get that from people at work, too, so maybe I spoke too soon.

Anyway, quote from last night. I'll be collecting the quotes, but I have to tag this as a good one.

Me, to cheering section of Catholic high school students: DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! YOU REALLY WON'T GO BLIND [from doing, well, you know]!

And the latest top thread from the Tucker Max Message Board: Lego Porn. (This was actually the Cruel Site of the Day back in like 1998 or so, but it never gets old). But once again, this illustrates the validity of Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it on the Internet. There is a thread on 4chan where they test the validity of Rule 34. And If someone DOES manage to find something for which there is no porn, don't worry, another user will make it.

Wow. Maybe Osama bin Laden is correct when he calls the US morally corrupt....

I also had some serious thoughts on the Iraq War and whatnot, but they will wait until a future post. I'm also submitting an article to Small Wars Journal regarding public diplomacy. I might as well get professional credit for blogging something, right? Well, when I blog about something other than Lego Porn and Star Wars, that is....

And this link deserves its own post...

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:54:20 GMT

Britain is quite possibly the coolest nation on Earth. SRSLY.

Well, I take it back. Not for long. Fucking nanny state:

Ministers put an end to free drinks for women

Bars are to be banned from offering free alcohol to women and free wine and beer tastings will be curbed under a new system of government restrictions to cut public drunkenness.

There will also be rules to limit “happy hour” offers that encourage speed drinking and soft drinks will have to be sold at the same discount during promotions. Wine in restaurants will have to be served in glasses with marked measures.

The proposals, drafted by the Home Office and the Department of Health, seek to transform social attitudes towards drinking by breaking the association between drink and sexual, financial and social success.

A code for the drinks industry, leaked to The Sunday Times, marks a hardening in the government’s stance after the failure of a voluntary code to curb binge drinking. Hospital admissions linked to excess alcohol have more than doubled in the past 10 years.

Threats by the government over the past four years to crack down on irresponsible behaviour by the drinks industry have foundered under the onslaught of aggressive discounting and promotions.

The mandatory code of practice has alarmed the drinks industry with an elaborate series of rules including:

— Cigarette-style health warnings will have to be displayed wherever alcoholic drinks are sold. This would include shops, bars and, according to the industry, could force restaurants to place an official “sensible drinking message” on every table.

— A curb on promotional free wine, whisky and beer tastings. No samples may exceed 125ml and “care must be taken to ensure that customers do not return for further tastings and run the risk of becoming intoxicated”.

— A ban on drinking games, such as downing a glass in one, and “drink all you like” offers for those paying an entry fee will be abolished.

— Wine in restaurants will have to be served in glasses with measures marked on the side.

The government intervention represents a belated acknowledgment that hopes that Britain would adopt a civilised “cafe culture” with the introduction of 24-hour drinking have failed.

It uses disdainful language to describe the attitudes spread by Britain’s bar culture, which it blames for equating heavy drinking with personal success.

It warns that drinks should not be promoted as a means of boosting one’s “social, sexual, physical, mental, financial or sporting performance”.

The practice of selling cocktails called Sex on the Beach, or more sexually graphic names, will also be scrapped.

The safe drinking signs will have to include a statement from chief medical officers about safe daily drinking limits; a graphic showing the number of alcohol units contained within each glass or bottle and the address for a website offering information on drinking moderately.

Casual bar staff may be forced out by the proposed mandatory code, which will require all bar employees to undergo accredited training.

It could become an offence to fail to ensure that staff have been trained in checking a customer’s age, turning away underage customers, refusing to serve customers who have overindulged and preventing drunken disorder.

Alcohol Concern has been calling for staff training in preventing excessive and underage drinking to be a requirement of a pub gaining its licence.

The mandatory code, which would be enforced by Trading Standards, was this weekend welcomed by health experts. Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians, said: “The voluntary partnerships of the drinks industry are clearly not working. Mandatory codes at this stage are essential.

“I think the next step will be to tackle the heavy discounting through a minimum price for a unit of alcohol.”

Mark Hastings, communications director of the British Beer & Pub Association (BBPA), said the proposed rules could prevent students doing bar work during the summer holidays and could make it impossible to recruit enough staff for big sporting events, including the 2012 Olympics.

“Most of these proposals are disproportionate and some are just plain daft. Every restaurant table and hotel room will need to have a detailed sensible drinking sign. Every document published by a drinks company will need to carry the sensible drinking message,” he said.

This weekend The Sunday Times found bars were continuing to flout the voluntary code. At the Envy nightclub in Notting Hill, west London, groups of women were being offered free bottles of wine as part of the Crazy Sexy Cool Party promotion on Friday night

Quick links for the day

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:42:48 GMT

I've moved out of my apartment, and I've taken some final gorgeous pictures of beautiful Sackets Harbor NY in autumn. I need to grab some photos tomorrow, too, so I can catch a sunset over the lake as well.

In other news, I picked up Lego Indiana Jones. I loved Lego Star Wars, so I figured I'd love Lego Indiana Jones. Sadly, I keep getting that frustration every ten minutes or so when I get to those patented adventure game chasm-jumps.

Be it Tomb Raider, Lego Star Wars, Mario Brothers or whatnot, you're always required to jump a chasm like every five minutes. How many times are you left screaming at the screen "God dammit, I pressed the jump button, didn't you register that I hit the jump button?! I didn't mean to have Lara Croft/Indy/Mario simply run off the cliff! I meant to JUMP! Now I have to start all over again!"

Having said that, here's a few quick links.

WoW dorks just get dorkier. Meet a WoWer who has 11 WoW accounts, and plays them all simultaneously because it's difficult to get all of his online friends together to go on raids. I guess it is possible to be a pariah on both the Internet AND real life as well.

PS--It's over $5000/year to pay for all of his WoW accounts.

And I have to pass on this quiz from mad_skillz:

The Viral Internet Video Quiz

I should do well at this...after all, my soldiers chastize me in public and say "Sir, no one watches Youtube as much as you do"

Miscellaneous thought of the day that I should be sharing: Why are Americans such an isolated culture? Seriously, with the information revolution, and the ability to use products such as Google Earth, our students should have an unparalleled knowledge of geography and human cultures. Maybe it's because we spend most of our time on the Internet looking at porn and visiting "hampsterdance". The fact that we can't even spell "hamster" correctly in our memes is quite distressing.

And finally, xkcd:

North Korea and Al-Qaida are...wait...not working together?

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 13:13:38 GMT

North Korea taken off of terror list

Why would Kim Jong-Il be working with terrorists?

Nation Building, Nation Unbuilding

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:29:09 GMT

I decided that I'd try to read "The Devil's Horsemen: The Mongol Invasion of Europe" over the weekend. It's a bit of a slug, as you have to deal with nations and cultures virtually unknown to Western Civilization (Transoxiana, Kwarzistan, etc). The mobility of the Mongols rivaled only the most modern 20th century armies. Plus, if you want to understand the mind of Islam, study their reaction to the Mongols, not the Christians (the Crusades were actually a humorous footnote to Islamic history).

There was an interesting anecdote about Chingis Khan that I found amusing. It seems that when the Mongols destroyed a city and wished to keep it as part of their empire, the Mongols would remove the leadership, but keep the civil servants (i.e., the architects, scientists, etc.) in place. The Mongols figured that it was better to have a civil servant from the old regime who was competent at administering a city as opposed to an unknown with no experience.

So wait...

...does this mean that even Chingis Khan knew that de-Baathification was a bad idea? Is Chingis Khan a better nation builder than Donald Rumsfeld?

Quoth Jon Stewart: Hey Iran...we may not be great nation builders, but we're pretty good nation un-builders.