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Confessions of a PowerPoint Ranger
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21st-Aug-2007 05:52 pm - CrossFit Fit
Me
One of the things that impressed me about Fort Drum (and the 10th Mountain Division) is the emphasis placed on physical training. I'd say there's even more emphasis placed on physical training than at Fort Bragg, home of the Airborne and Special Operations groups. Soldiers driving around during designated PT hours have been known to be stopped and asked "why aren't you doing PT?". Oh yeah, and God help you if you are one of those people who likes to walk for PT.

With that said, one of the initial indicators of the physical fitness of a unit is the amount of clothing worn when it is cold. You know, if you look around Fort Bragg in February, you see Special Forces (or at other bases, Marines and Rangers) running around in ultra-short shorts, the infantry guys running around in regular shorts and T-shirts, and, when there used to be a COSCOM, those people were usually in full winter regalia. In the summer, you could always tell when the National Guard was around, because you'd see people in jackets and pants casually strolling up and down the road.

So, imagine my pleasure to find that yesterday, when the morning temperature was 45F (8C), people were dressed in shorts and T-shirts. Awesome.

My old battalion in the 82nd didn't hold officers to high standards period, let alone high standards of physical fitness. To be certain, rank does have specific privileges. These may vary from station to station (At Fort Drum, an officer might get his own parking spot, while in Honduras, you might have access to Air Force Groupies. Results may vary), but at Fort Bragg, "officer privileges" meant not having to show up for PT, qualify at ranges, show up at the NBC chamber, etc.

Now, I'm still in that phase where I have a little too much testosterone in my system, so I find ways to work it off AND stick it to the man by doing the aforementioned activities. (Especially PT because I'm vain). I have to admit, normally, I would have been frustrated that my fellow staff officers didn't do PT, except for the fact that the only thing I like more than making fun of stupid people is making fun of fat people. Thank God the US has more fat bastards than any other nation on the planet...I don't know what I'd do if I moved to Europe where people are actually thin. God knows I wouldn't be able to have stand-up acts where I play Han Solo and use a Jabba the Hutt doll to re-create a conversation between me and my previous S-1 (at Bragg) in front of all her enlisted soldiers and somehow miraculously avoid an EO complaint. But such is my life.

But that was then. Today at Fort Drum, the staff officers did our own PT: The CrossFit workout. You may remember CrossFit as the guys who designed the workouts for the movie "300". The actors were able to get fit and ripped without the use of steroids or supplements...just great workouts. The program is great because there's a variety of exercises. This is good for two reasons. First, your body never adapts to any one exercise, thus the workouts remain challenging. Secondly, it works a much wider variety of muscles and muscle groups than most workout programs.

The workout we did yesterday was called "The Murph", named after a Navy SEAL who died in Afghanistan. Here's the deal:

For time:
1 mile Run
100 Pull-ups
200 Push-ups
300 Squats
1 mile Run


Needless to say, PT went on for at least an hour and a half. But it was quite good, and gets muscle groups you don't normally work. The good thing about the last mile is that you don't feel it. Your legs are numb already after the squats that you can't tell you're running. Excellent workout that you will feel the next day.

Focus: What are some other good workouts you've seen? Anyone want to try the "300" workout?
So part of the 10th Mountain Division's inprocessing is a briefing which covers many relevant issues. Every new soldier was seated in an auditorium where we learned that the 10th Mountain Division believes that alcohol is bad and it leads to STDs. You know, forgetting the second half of that proverbial maxim, "Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all the world's problems".

Okay, I'm exaggerating. The whole briefing wasn't on STDs. The CG did visit us and he gave us his training guidance and other interesting stuff like that, and the chaplain gave his spiel on the services around base, the IG talked, etc but the crux of the briefing was alcohol leads to sex which leads to STDS.

Of course, with pictures.

Now, when your mom is a nurse that has worked in the field of "Public Health" for a while, the standard STD-shock-and-awe class actually become funny. Indeed, my mom was actually known as "The Condom Lady" because one of her duties was to distribute prophylactics to poor neighborhoods. (One of those 200-count boxes "disappeared" from her stock when I was in college, where we used them for practical jokes) Anyway, I think we must be one of the few families that actually thinks that the talk of the latest pubic lice outbreak is appropriate dinner conversation, but whatever.

Now, they tried to lighten the mood in the midst of the the standard pictures of one disease or another by playing a video from Mad TV which parodied Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous Girl". This is one that definitely deserves parodying because you have to question what Nelly Furtado was thinking: Hey, I think that all those original songs like on my first album weren't artistic enough, I think I'll look to, say, Britney Spears for inspiration in my next album. Yeah...

Anyway, not only are the lyrics funny in this video, but I always wondered about that sound at the end of the song...is it some bizarre instrument in the background or did Nelly Furtado get drugged up and have her wisdom teeth taken out right before the recording session, forcing her to kind of groan the tune in the background? After viewing this video, I put my money on the latter of the two. Video appears after the cut:

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