Just when you think that Disney couldn't get any more evil or bizarre, here comes a testimonial from someone who played Captain Jack Sparrow at Disneyland.




"I'll be honest: I didn’t follow all the Disney rules. I played Jack like he was real, and if a woman flirted, I would flirt back. Women loved it. But there were also women who would have too many beers at California Adventure or smuggle in alcohol you could smell on their breath, women who were clearly sloshed.

Here’s a napkin someone wrote on for me: “[Sexual proposition] Kim—714-XXX-XXXX.” I would also get offers from women in my ear: “Anything you want, just find me.” I had a girl who had turned 18 the day before. She was with a high school group, and she wrote down her room number at the Downtown Disney hotel. I had a lady hump my leg one day in the park...

...We were told Disney prefers that the characters don’t date, and the characters even have a slogan: “Don’t Date Disney,” or DDD. Dating at Disneyland is difficult. But I already had a thing for the Ariels when I arrived. They have red hair, and I love red hair. After I met my girlfriend, an Ariel, and we started dating, we would need to talk to each other backstage under our coats because employees would try to snap photos with their phones—Ariel and Jack together...

...We were also not allowed to post pictures of ourselves in costume on MySpace. But I had a picture of Ariel and me kissing backstage, a photo I kept on my private page. I was warned by friends to take it down, and I did, but not before someone made a copy of it and turned it in to Disney. Management pulled me in and talked to me about it."

(Which is basically a pretty serious gauntlet to throw down, especially when you're me).

Basically, some of my more amusing enlisted people decided that Thursdays were going to be "Talk Like a Pirate Day". During the cool-down portion of PT (oh yeah, I ran them like 5 miles and made them sprint for like a mile of it, heh heh heh), the squad leader usually counts off seconds for each stretch by calling off "thousand", and the enlisted people respond with a number. So you'd hear "thousand...one...thousand...two...etc".

Well, they got the amazing idea to, instead of calling off with a number, to sound off with "ARRR!". I have to admit, this showed incredible spirit. But, I, as the commander had to outdo them, of course.

So I yelled to the squad leader, "Yarr, the Cap'n wishes to address his motley crew of scalawags, matey".

PWNT.

(By the way, I had to remind them that September 20th is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. To this, the squad leader responded, "I know! I found out about that day like one day late when I was in Afghanistan. I was pissed off!")

I thought I saw the end of Ultimate Frisbee in the Captains' Career Course. My team lost every game until the post-season. Then we got so sick of the game that, remarkably, we started winning. I don't know what the deal was, but apparently, we even suck at deliberately trying to suck.

The instructors at Fort Rucker take this incredibly seriously (I got zero hours worth of instruction on counterinsurgency at AVC3, but by God, I got at least ten hours worth of instruction on the strategy and tactics of Ultimate Frisbee.  I even have a tag on this blog just for ultimate frisbee), so imagine my surprise when our team wound up beating nearly every major and colonel on Fort Rucker in a game of Frisbee.  I think this victory was unprecedented.

Anyway, our companies had a little competition amongst ourselves yesterday morning. Me being me, I decided to make two teams for my company--but what to name them? I could just call them "Team 1" and "Team 2", but that just wouldn't suffice for me.

What to do? Well, the solution is simple. The previous day, I was looking at the rules of UF on Wikipedia, when I noticed that many of the diagrams for the rules and plays of UF use two hypothetical teams. These teams have names.

Folks, this is by far the most awesome idea ever. If you take the "Greedo shooting first" idea that George Lucas had and took the inverse of it, that would be how awesome this idea was.

Look carefully at these pictures. You will notice that the teams are referred to as "Team Ninja" and "Team Pirate". I decided to follow suit. The decision seemed to be popular, except I had one soldier who protested and thought that "Team Cheezburger Cat" was better than "Team Pirate". (I'm not kidding about this either. That cat is so popular around here that we even made a security badge for PVT Cat, Cheezburger.)

You have to click on these pictures to truly revel in their pure awesomeness:



I particularly like the design on the t-shirts and the Pirate defender saying "Force Home, Yarrrrr".

Yarrr, I be sailin' the high seas of the Carribean.  Yer faverite cap'n just finished a-sailin' under a paaarrrachute this morning, and spies the port of Nassau tomorrow.